The Life of a Broken Girl (Jessica Jones POV)

A big part of the job is looking for the worst in people....Turns out I excel at that. My name is Jessica Jones, I'm a private investigator....I'm resourceful. I'm just trying to catch a break with booze isn't so expensive and it's hard to believe it's a lot of alcohol for such a chick like me, but there's a difference. In my line of work, you got to know when to walk away but some cases just won't let you go. You must be amazed, I toss a guy twice his size and I can fly....sort of. You must be wondering if there is anybody else out there who knows my gifts. There is one....But he had the ability to make people do whatever he wanted. You have no idea what I've done....What he made me do. He believes to be a god, but he's not God--He's the devil, and I'm going to find him. I was a victim to Kilgrave. Hate how scarring about my personal and professional life as a super-heroine, which simply comes out as noise due to the past I've been through. I know for a fact very well that complaining about her problems is futile – it won’t change anything, and it won’t make things much better. I could see myself as some sort of sacrifice, that others are marching forward. He was trying to make me into an idol of some sort but I know I'm just a sheep that I’ve simply decorated with his commands.....Or to put it bluntly in words, exactly what he wanted. Kilgrave warns me that my attempts to change the established system will be in vain and will cause great harm towards myself. I can acknowledge that I think highly of my heroine dignity and holds a sense of propriety, but when it comes to my problems, I can recognize that this very same pride holds me back. Here I paint an image of a powerful, independent woman--Me. I'm created success for myself, and proved Kilgrave wrong. You know there's two types of people: strong survive and the weak die. But other people's strength is now represented by money. The richer you are, the easier life is. From what I stand for it does not feel as if there isn’t a place for them to belong. When you dig a little bit deeper, it’s about how since we’ve grown up in a generation where there’s a lot broken me I was exposed mentally and now the older I got, the less scared in me I got.  Seeing as we are now ahead of his time, I speak up for those who are left shatter of today’s world monster--Kilgrave--and proclaims that I recognize the power and position in society. Let me ask, are you willing to put up with the insanity as your life spirals down the drain, leaving marks on those who become close to me? Kilgrave does his job well! Do you people feel this same sort of high that I do without the influence of Kilgrave? Even when it hurts me and the people around me. When I get manic, I can put it all into entertainment in my powers and my drinking, to the point of self-harm. With an unconventional style, I stand out amidst a crowd, leading to judgement of me by many people.I had dreams that I may be accepted by the people for who I am. However, this dream may never come true, because I'm placed under the restrictions of society among Kilgrave. Kilgrave defines as good are those who have little confidence in themselves like forcing themselves to follow his commands in order to fit in his perfection. There is a mistake in me, these inner demons are the reasons why my mental state is such a cold, bad place to wander through, even though I have a caring heart. This left me bitter in feeling stuck with the blame for my behavior on this track. My pride stops me from giving into taking responsibility. I am unstable and unpredictable....But that's just me.