Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here with the Merc with the Mouth, the former experiment of a superhero project and one of the most badass, most talkative and awesome antihero for hire. Please welcome......DEADPOOL!!!!!
Deadpool: "Hiya munchkins, what's up? Good to see we're getting on the right track of things! No wonder the fans love me, you really do love me!"
Interviewer: "So, Deadpool, heard that your excited for your movie is coming out. You excited, dude?"
Deadpool: "Oh, hell yeah! I'm ready to kick it up! Ready to bring out the f**king chima changas!"
Interviewer: "What are you looking forward to the most?"
Deadpool: "What am I looking forward to out of this movie....? Hmm, let's see....There's me, I go and kill people. Blow some heads off. Oh yeah, and a lot of the ladies I can f**k. I saw that preview of me...Oh yeah! Anyway, I think Ryan Reynolds was the perfect choice. That guy knows me so well, I should give him an autograph to him in my honor for doing this role so nicely as me!"
Interviewer: "He did a debut of Deadpool...Without the red suit and all, you do know that right?"
Deadpool: "Yeah, but it wasn't the same! This movie is going to be remember as a big hit of a cinema! Damn, I'm stoked. I don't remember seeing a movie this awesome, I mean how can anyone enjoy these movies without me in them? I would be crushed, heartbroken, and nobody to think that there's more to life you know?"
Interviewer: "Sounds overly dramatic, Merc."
Deadpool: "Yeah but it's true."
Interviewer: "Agreed. Now then, I have one interesting question...If Nolan North wasn't available to voice you, who do you think would be a perfect fit for you?"
Deadpool: "Good question...OH! I HAVE TWO OF MY FAVORITES!!!! There's Johnny Yong Bosch, he played the Black Ranger of the Power Rangers! I heard he voiced my twin name Vash the Stampede!"
Interviewer: "I do remember but I hate to burst your bubble but unlike you, Vash isn't disfigured nor wears a mask....No offense!"
Deadpool: "None taken. And then, there's the second one. Michael Jones, Mr. Rage Quit! Rooster Teeth's Rage Quit, I love that guy! He's so hilarious! He's perfect! And he curses like a sailor as I do."
Interviewer: "That would be a perfect match made in heaven."
Deadpool: "Hell yes! He and I like to break out in some rage, he and I have our own gang of awesome people! Maybe he doesn't have the facial horror or the awesome healing factor but he and I are the bomb of it all!"
Interviewer: "Yup, so you think."
Deadpool: "Nolan will always be my number one, but the other two are great alternatives but I have nothing against Johnny. I just never hear him curse like I do. I throw F bombs left and right, but he doesn't do so. Not that I'm expecting to."
Interviewer: "Johnny's too cool to curse like a sailor."
Deadpool: "Cooler than me?"
Interviewer: "No way! You two are in the same boat!"
Deadpool: "F**K YES!!! Got any more questions?"
Interviewer: "Yeah, I do. This is a nerdy one but what do you think about anime?"
Deadpool: "AH! I LOVE THAT ONE, ANIME IS SO FRIGGIN' AWESOME!!! I love all the action, the blood and the best part is the boobs! The skimpy outfits. If I have to chose who's my favorite, I have to choose Erza! No Rias, or maybe that one with the vampire girl....She has pink hair, there's a blue haired succubus--I'd hit that any day! Then there's Lucy....Eh, cute but weird, hey she has a curvy figure I like to touch on. And there's Juvia, Jenny, and Cana. Right?"
Interviewer: "Sure, these chicks can kick ass too!"
Deadpool: "Like Domino? Psylocke? Rogue? And that one chick name Negasonic Teenage Warhead! How awesome is that!"
Interviewer: "Yup, Lucy could qualify to Kitty Pryde, right?"
Deadpool: "Sure, Kitty and Lucy are pretty cute. But a sexy body to match!"
Interviewer: "Right. So who's your favorite hero guy in anime?"
Deadpool: "I would choose Naruto but that bastard is all of the damn place! It's everyone ever talks about, and now they have one about his son! It's sh**ting me, isn't it?"
Interviewer: "Yeah."
Deadpool: "Don't get me wrong, I think he's powerful but....eh, I don't think so. But there's one person I want to challenge! Let's see.....There's Captain Levi! Dude's got some weird hairdo but he can kick ass quicker than you can say Shruikan!!!! And then there's Shinoa, Ichigo, Luffy, Natsu, Gajeel, Laxus, Gray, Mikasa, damn she's a total bitch slapping awesomeness! And then there's Eren Jaeger! Oooh, I so pity the girl that tries to get inside his pants! Wait, is he gay or something? No he's not into relationships. He's been a wreck since his mommy was eaten by a Titan. SHIT!!! WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?! I sound really f--ing insensitive."
Interviewer: "If you didn't have a healing factor, you'd be dead right?"
Deadpool: "Yeah but I'd be with Death. She and I will have amazing sex together."
Interviewer: "I see."
Deadpool: "Yeah, she knows I love her. She's just so fine to look at. Sure she and I have really bad faces but hey, it's a dream come true."
Interviewer: "Thank you for sharing your sex life about Lady Death with us, Deadpool. But anyway, so if you were to chose who was your favorite?"
Deadpool: "Oh, my favorite? I love them all!"
Interviewer: "Happy to see Wolverine in your movie?"
Deadpool: "HEY! HE HAD HIS OWN MOVIE, NOW IT'S MY TURN!!!!"
Interviewer: "OK, OK, sorry. He was in your game."
Deadpool: "That furry one is too popular, I'm the only protagonist in the video game and film but Wolverine is short and he's in more comics than me!"
Interviewer: "True, I mean I don't know if he's short but hey, I can learn something."
Deadpool: "You'd be surprise on how short and furry he is, what do girls see in him?"
Interviewer: "Healing factor. Antihero. He has claws, Jean Grey loves him. But he's in competition with Cyclops. And in some later adaptions of comic books and films, he seems more attractive."
Deadpool: "OH C'MON!!!! I'm attractive too...Well, besides the face but hey, chicks love me!"
Interviewer: "Yeah. How do you feel Colossus being in your movie?"
Deadpool: "Sounds awesome but nothing's more awesome than your best girl gets kidnapped by your worst enemy. Don't want to spoil much but I think the outcome will be that my best girl is a superheroine! As she quoted, she plays a lot of roles but damsels in distress ain't one of them!"
Interviewer: "So who's the nerd and the old lady in your movie?"
Deadpool: "The nerd is Weasel but his name is Jack Hammer. He's my home boy, and the old hag is Blind Al...She's my roommate."
Interviewer: "Roommate? When did you have a roommate?"
Deadpool: "Don't blame me! It's in the comics!"
Interviewer: "OK, but Weasel....He's not an action hero right?"
Deadpool: "Nope, he's no action hero. He's my sidekick sometimes....He's a motherf**ker expert hacker and inventor
with a genius-level intellect and knowledge of weaponry. That's why he's my home boy. My sidekick!"
Interviewer: "Nice, I like that. So what's the deal with Blind Al?"
Deadpool: "She's blind but she's pretty much more clever than me, old bitch."
Interviewer: "She is pretty helpful, ain't she?"
Deadpool: "Besides being clever old bitch? Yes, yes she is."
Interviewer: "Cool, can't wait for what happens next. Thanks for joining us, Deadpool!"
Deadpool: "That's it? All right, that was fun! Thanks everyone. Maybe I can come back after I see my movie! BYE!"
Interviewer: "Have fun! And hear this everyone, Deadpool's movie is now out in theatres. Don't forget to check it out. See you later!"
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