This a short story about diary entry a famous artist name Marilyn Crystal, who is inspired by Mariana and the Diamonds. Marina has been idolizing Marilyn Monroe, but she is nothing to her or acts like her but she adores her on her beauty and talent. Anyways, please enjoy this awesome short story of a Diamond Queen by a good person I know, Briana Moran. --KatDon
Entry 1: Are You Satisfied?
Dear Diary,
I have finally found success! But I'm stressed and scared, I don't think this is exactly what I was looking for. On drugs and alcohol; once I signed the contract of my first label, this is it...It was going to change. But thoughts in my head are absented of my head whenever this was going according to plan. As a teenager growing up, I wanted to be famous; pursuing my love for music. My family, friends, and teachers doubted my unrealistic yet ambitious dreams; saying it will never happen. That's what adults do, nagging at you what your life want to be. However, I chose not to listen, so all to those who ground me--I made it! And you know what? Eat my shorts, get bent. It shouldn't be my problem that other people cannot seem to agree with me...Hell! It's my life if I should be allow to live as I see fit. More than the usual need to succeed, people have been saying I'm a greedy person for success. They think I'm overbearing in the work I put in out there. It is not nobody else's business to tell me what I want to do. As I stated before, it's my life! No one can stop me from doing what I want to do. People have been judging me, discussing about my problems in an irrelevant manner. I warn them to not be concerning around me of what I do. Leave me be! I can handle this on my own, without criticism.
I mean, I want success but I'm so unhappy in the state that I'm in. It's quite cliche that once all your dreams come true and get the fame you desired, you are left alone with riches, feeling totally unfulfilled. In my 'average life', I hated it! I'd always dreamt of being famous, making it big. So here I am! But I ask myself whether living in a so-called normal yet unnoticed life is OK or not. Do I need to pretend to be someone I'm not? Do I need to pose to all people who had ever doubted me? Am I Satisfied?
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Entry 2: Numb
Dear Diary,
I can't keep my mind on things for long, I can't feel anything or be myself. I really hope this is worth it. My obsession with being a star is making me lose touch with my priorities, I fooled myself into thinking it was the only way to achieve my dreams. I don't feel like I can change, I'm starting to open up when I've been silent my whole life. I don't want to show any weaknesses I have, I'm so overwhelmed with sadness, I feel like I can't yell loud enough! I pushed so many people away from me, that nobody is there to simply help me. I feel like I'm not worthy enough to have friends, or any lovers. Because I'll hurt them in the end, and I don't want them to think I'm so greedy. I feel so empty; no matter how far I'll go, I'm not satisfied. I'm always searching for more and wondering why I can't be happy with what I have. I feel that I've been given a fair trade...For stardom; I am trading in my happy life I once had.
I'd looked for happiness. Success. I'm missing that. Through all this, I am terrified of true success and stardom. I know some artists and famous people have come crashing down at some point with no warning, and their careers died down. They become pitiful, useless lighters.
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Entry 3: Hollywood
Dear Diary,
Being famous is the American dream, at least that's what some say. So to speak, people now a days from their own countries have come to this country. There are some people that want the American dream so badly. I'd asked them why they want this, and they say to me that they do not want to be in a bar every night. They want to meet the 'perfect guy' and become some sort of fame wife. People would do anything to achieve their vision of their dreams. They search for it but it's all lie, because it won't be so great as they think. It has been romanticized and it's a golden fabric. Trust me, been there. Done that. Want to know what's funny? One guy, a security guard actually, mistaken me for an actress and then a singer but I told him who I really was. People are so brainwashed with the whole concept of the American Dream to care for their intellect that their minds are filled with things fluffy and inoffensive.
A girl's American life is not as wonderful as a movie scene as she imagines, I believe it's stereotypical. It's exaggerating with romance and passion so Hollywood is blamed. Let's be real, America is a place that everyone wants to be in right? Although it's not perfect, I am so obsessed with it. How could I? It's so glamorous here!
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Entry 4: Primadonna
Dear Diary,
I'm a temperamental person with an inflated view of my own talent and importance. I want everything, I need everything...Literally! I can't help but be egoistical. It's all in my personality. I have to deal with every aspect of it all, good and bad. In my eyes, I did nothing wrong, it's simply everyone who is wrong. After all the things I put you through, they still keep coming back. Get down on both knees, begging for me to say 'yes'. Primadonnas are actresses, I don't care about the consequences. I'm aware of being a diva, but I don't see anything wrong with that. Even though I live in such a pompous lifestyle; underneath my ego is a girl who is genuinely struggling with myself. Life isn't necessarily a breeze when you're a primadonna girl. I don't want people's attention, I want their attention to have, to be adore you know. Pick a personality for free if I feel like nobody, boys love me I can't help it. I adore this feeling. All I gotta do is butter up and pop that pretty question. I have my privileges. My life is dreamy and glamorous, like being onstage. I absolutely love it.
Tantrums to me are small matters, primadonna have their successes & failures but I crave for success. As long as I get the power, I'm willing to do anything. Even when the lights dim down, I continue to spin around for the attention of others.
I'm a Primadonna Girl, get over it!
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Entry 5: How to Be a Heartbreaker
Dear Diary,
I am turning this entry into an instruction manual, I call it--How to Be a Heartbreaker. Cool huh?
The first rule is to have fun with your 'boytoy' but when you're done having fun; be sure to leave him before he leaves you. I mean, I don't want to be the one heartbroken afterwards. The second rule is to not get so attached to someone who can walk out of your life. Because they could do that to you exactly and leave you broken in the dust. A third rule is don't let your heart be easy to grab because it could be taken advantage of. And fourth, also last, is that you gotta look sweet and innocent so he won't know what's coming for him. Keep him wanted you, even if he could resist me anyways. Boys will be boys, they always like a little adventure in a girl of a relationship. When I break his heart, this guy will realize he's falling in love with me. Someone he has never really know. This guy, I'm not letting him that easily. I have a hard shell, I won't break so easily myself. They'll think I'm being wholeheartedly sincere when I say I love them. Even when I'm not. Boys like a bad girl, but there's a loophole to break this contract.
The reason I wrote this is because girls are being taken advantage of so easily. They don't know who to trust, especially me. Now all I've got to do is be the 'player' for a girl who will do anything to risk my heart not being broken again like it was before. It's better to fake love than in a relationship, in love, and getting broken over and over again.
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Entry 6: Power and Control
Dear Diary,
My man gives a little of himself to me. And I give everything of me to him. I open up to him emotionally and physically but he keeps 'frozen' and heartless towards me. He maybe good on the eye, however he doesn't have a deeper meaning to him. He doesn't have deep thoughts, where he can just open up and talk to me. He thinks he's so clever to make me love him, and then he'll try to leave me. But I won't let him. He's cute, but he's not sexy enough to break my heart. Power and control....One person always want to have the upper hand in a relationship, it's somewhat similar to who would wear the pants in this so called romance. Women and men are intrinsically equal when their in a relationship. They are more of creating equality. Unfortunately, that's not how the game is played. Someone who always has to assert dominance. Whoever loses, the other will only want to get back at them next time. It seems to be a crime, really. Just to be a little submissive to one another. Relationships will always be a competitive sport, to see who can get the upper hand and control. I am only, I need to show emotion. A vulnerability doesn't mean I should be labeled as a weakling.
I will be the downfall of his ways. I'm tired of being the one in controlled of relationships because it has been this way. I have to fight for my peace, right? It's all in the power and in the control.
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Entry 7: State of Dreaming
Dear Diary,
Message to all girls; stop living off that quote and don't put idols too high on pedestal. In my dreams, I am the happiest in this world of my own. I have the life I've always wanted. All my problems have disappeared. I don't live in reality, I spent my time dreaming of what could be in my own make believe land. I have the American Dream but people in Hollywood suck! I once admire these people however I'm putting them down because they are no longer used to me. I tuned out of reality, I live in my self created fantasy. I have fun in my dreams at night than in the cold light of day. It seems people in Hollywood are soulless and the only way for them to accept me as their own is if I lose my own soul too. Behind the smiling divas; they also had troubles too. They had fears, depression, and could overdose badly.
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Entry 8: Teen Idle
Dear Diary,
I wish I was a blonde. I had a rough time and didn't do anything to deserve it. I wish I could go back to my teen years, where I can worry about pretty things and be rebellious. I wish I wasn't such a good girl, because I missed out out on a lot of fun. I wanna check myself out, I want drama, carnage, and to eat fattening desserts. And not be so transparent as I was before. I want to be nice looking to get some people to think I'm a loose girl. I got myself in a bad relationship where someone took advantage of me. I wanna get hammered, I wish I wasn't so careful! I don't want to be considered an angel because I never was like that all the time. I rather puke to obtain that 'perfect' image. I wish I wasn't in love with myself a lott. I'm afraid...Afraid of dying alone. I was incredibly disoriented. I didn't know how to enjoy my teen years, I was supposed to test my limits but honestly, I didn't accomplish that. I regret on doing stupid things, youth is supposed to be a carefree time of happiness and full of friends right? I wish I was respected, invited to cool parties. I wish I was popular enough to be voted prom queen. Instead of being religious ad reading these bibles; I feel like killing myself. All my years were wasted away, because I didn't make anything out of it. I lied saying that how my life was sweeter, nicer but it was all a big, dramatic fib. Here I am, all of this gives me a good sense of how it feels to be alive. Even though I didn't change so much, I thought I wanted to died as a minor but afterwards I suddenly realize I am alive.
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Entry 9: Buy the Stars
Dear Diary,
There's a story that I kept inside of me ad I like to write this down:
A guy saw no light in his life. He only saw darkness and gloominess. He thought he saw light in me. He thought immediately that he loved me. But I don't love him back, I don't want to be owned by him. I want to be free. He destroyed the light of hope inside himself, while looking for my hope. We don't own what makes up happy, we only own what makes us sad. I'm not his to keep, I'm not his so-called heaven. If he doesn't know that by now, than he doesn't know me that very well. Still I've been alone and sad. The things that are supposed to make me feel better, they don't. I did everything in my life to be good, I don't think he really knows me, he thinks he does but no. Because if he knew the really me, than he would see that I'm a free spirit. Though he keeps trying to find the light that I don't have. He keeps trying to have someone to keep when they are meant to be free. Once you do something, it's said and done. When you hurt the person in all the money in the world, but it wouldn't change what you did that person. Or how they feel about you. No matter how hard he tries. How much he tries, he can't and he remains the same. He tries to understand me why he can't keep me, he'll never understand me.
I stayed single all this time in the name of preserving my innocence, because I'm only entering a relationship and get my heart broken in two. There's nothing I can do to change him. He constantly falling for girls: They go out but then the love dies out. No matter how hard he tries, I will not belong to him, I'm meant to be free. Yes, I understand now. I said this once, there is nothing I could do to change him.
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