Chapter 4: It Gets Better than Before
In the summer; I went to a job program and landed myself in an outlet in the mall. I met this nice, black skinned woman who was my mentor. At my first job; I worked in the back of the store. I took clothes which were in packages, put price tags on them, and hang up the clothes nicely. Then the guys, who also worked alongside me, came to take the clothes on the wheeled railed thing where we hang the clothes. To me, it felt great to finally work at a place. There were some good times there, like going to lunch on breaks or joking a little. But we managed to get stuff done. In time, we were assigned to work in the store. Y'know, organize clothes that were hanging up, some things that need organizing. That was my favorite part of the job. I worked from June, July, until August. We were given an award, each of us. A paper certificate. And offered cake, one chocolate and one vanilla. It felt so good to be awarded for something you accomplished.
Remember that black skinned woman who was mentoring us a little? Well, she became my teacher. I made the suggestion, I felt bad for her because she said she was having a hard time finding a job so I said that my school was looking for some teachers and I guess that's what happened. In time when she became my teacher; but over this year I was misbehaving and got on her bad side. She thought I didn't have the Lord within me. She wanted to take me to church but that wasn't it. She just didn't understand. My behavior worsened as I one time escaped home and walked blocks from there. Mother and Axel found me, I tried to apologize but I knew it was too late. My stuff was taken, I yelled at my own mother, I got hit repeatedly but I knew I deserved it. I was making such a hissy fit that the police woman came and I managed to calm down. Knowing my behavior was getting stronger; I was assigned to take TKD classes after school. I didn't want to but I knew I had to get some help. Being in the TaeKwon-Do center for after schools for me, it wasn't so bad at first but then as time progressed, I begin to hate it. The boys didn't acknowledge my existance. The girls were really prissy, dramatic, and mean to me. And all of them were like little kindergartners to sixth graders.
Some got in trouble and got really upset. Some were brats who pestered me, it was one heck of a nightmare. I didn't say anything to my mother because she wouldn't think of taking me out. I myself was afraid to leave for I'd be my bad self again and had to remember to have self control. My TKD instructor was never there a lot, he had always leave to do some errands while the kids acted crazy and someone had to watch them. It was the loudest place on the planet. I hated it, I always called Mom, made an excuse of saying I didn't feel well. I didn't want to train here or any where else anymore. I simply hated this. By the end of the year, I didn't take TaeKwon-Do after school classes anymore--which that was a relief for me. And that black skinned female teacher of mine wasn't my teacher anymore so I had a new one. I wasn't relieved that she was gone, she had to find another job but in the end, I didn't bad-mouthed about her. She taught me a few things. Even though sometimes she was harsh and a little bit wicked and misunderstood on my auditory sensitives; I'm not angry with her however I hope she understands someday. My new teacher was much more understanding than the other. She always knew and was very caring of me. And my former TKD master always sounded so pitiful and trying to make me guilty by saying I was best student. Then, I realized something--He says it about his other students. And he hardly lets me come up to train with the others. I always felt so unwanted. I hated it and never want to do it again. But in the end, I have to give them credit for teaching me on self control physically for I never hit anyone with my fists or my feet.
2014 was the best year for me as I was finally graduating from high school and I was happy to get away from that school once and for all. I have to admit, I thought it was a place of sanctuary and supposed to be about loving God but no. With the kids with autism being mistreated and the principal was mean to my mom and me. The principal, whom my mom was once friends with, was nothing more than a person wanting to put on a show--Not having the deciency to have compassion, thinks of herself as the expert on autism...which she was NOT!!! And hurting mother so badly after my mother quit. Now I see why some people left, the principal was a cold, insensitive. Hypocritical, where she judges mother or other people on what they eat while she eats fattening foods herself but she claims she's on a diet. Huh, diet. And her sister, she lied and sent my mother a text. A very mean text, she betrayed me by lying about me to my mother and she lied to everyone--not to mention poison my mother--and hurt her. So many scars, so much pain. But then, I was distressed when we had to move from Florida to Indiana. Mom couldn't find another job anywhere else in Florida and we couldn't afford our house anymore. However that house was said, according to my mother, to have problems with a lot of things in the house. Like air conditioner wasn't working right, the jacuzzi was a wreck, and other things that were flawed. I was upset that we move but I thought it was OK.
When my mother called my father and left a message (when he didn't answer) about us moving; something happened. I had two dreams about my father being a changed man and for some reason, that dream was true. My father became a different person and he helped us out in the last few days of moving. We spent breakfast with him and for the first time in forever; he wasn't Mr. Putdown--He was the father I loved again! Though the one thing that didn't change was him jabber all the time but who cares, it's all right! One thing did change and it was a good thing. It was like a sign from God, telling me that my father was going to redeem himself. It felt good. During the move; we had to stop at different hotels while getting to Indiana. I must say, moving from Florida and seeing different places was a big step. Hotels were where my mother and brothers and I had to share one room in two different beds. Finally, we got to Indiana and met my aunt--My mom's sister--and her family.
And I worked at a department store, it was a lot different than the one I used to work at over the summer. I didn't stand around and did stuff. I carried boxes, I delivered things out, and the people there was kind. Better than anything else I could've dreamed of. Most were nice, one was a bit cranky but misunderstood. Sometimes she yammers about something however I had to give her my sympathy but I always wondered if she cherishes life at all. Perhaps, but I wouldn't know because she must be yammering about something. Oh well, it's not my fault really. And I behave well at my job but I didn't get along so well with my older brother and my younger brother was annoyed at crazy stuff I would do. I was immature and did my best to stay away from my older brother if he didn't go and teased me mercilessly. My mom didn't break up the fight because she found it amusing. But she was pretty sick and tired of us fighting however she wanted me and my older brother to figure things out. WE CAN'T!!! We can't even talk to each other like normal people when Mr. Cranky Pants has to go and give me a hard time....OK, I took part in giving him a hard time. Sorry.
I was pretty much tired of my older brother for just sitting around and doing nothing but play video games, blah blah but he doesn't know what he was going to do. He doesn't seem like he wants to do anything with his life. How could he not know what to do? But I have to give him a little more empathy. I mean, I didn't know what to do until I met someone who showed me the skills I was most strongly at and the one I'm good at is writing so I became a writer. I know, know, I'm a hypocrite. I'm not going to lie, I'm not too nice all the time. I can get prissy, wanting an answer from someone when I ask and get a little irritated when they don't respond. I guess it's being impatient. Not a mature thing, huh? Heh, not too proud of myself right? Yeah, I'm a jerk but not always. I'm a good person most of the time, at least I think but I sometimes don't realize what I do. It's insane right? So yeah, I have my moments. Everyone does but there's people out there that act like a perfectionist and tell us that we're not imperfect beings and we need to be prepared. And then yell at us for getting in trouble. No, not something I went through but there are people like that. Some people.
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